um…

I have been travelling a lot.

Searching for ideas and kicks. The new record is mostly about girls and boys in exotic locations.

Primarily the Gold Coast. Which is tres exotic as you all know

so pretty

Apparently if a cyclone ever hits the Gold Coast they are toast. And the footy teams are struggling. So it feels like edge city to me right now. Ripe for some good old Lou Reed style rock exposé. I know Gaslight Radio have written quit poetically about the Gold Coast ( see ‘Tina from Robina’ etc) but hey, i did my time rehearsing at the back of Burleigh too. Got out of there as soon as i could.

The record may be called ‘9 ROMANTIC CLASSICS AND A SONG ABOUT BIKERS’ or ‘INSPIRATION POINT’ or possibly ‘ DAN KELLY IV’

I know it’s taking a long time. I’ve gone from minimal to opus and now i’m heading back to minimal

It feels a little silly to be hanging out in Melbourne seeing a bunch of tremendously entertaining and uncluttered bands ( Dick Diver, Full Ugly, Twerps, Batpiss etc)

King of Melbourne

and then busting out a mega tooled prog epic again

Dan Kelly

not that i care what the folks think :)

And by the time this fucker actually comes out everyone will probably be sounding like Def FX again anyway

anyway that’s not much of a blog is it?

dank

Jetlag tips and sadness for Jimi again

Today we’re driving Portland to Seattle then flying Seattle -Lax then soon heading home to Melbourne, Australia.

Portland was rad and i managed to scream out  Bicycle rights ! at a few hapless dudes as we drove into town

After almost five weeks in the States i’ve started to instinctively look the right way when crossing the road, also learned how to tip again and even have a basic layout of your typical Wholefoods in my head for quick reference. These useful life lessons will soon be forgotten under the relentless blaze of the Australian sun. See below for what a typical morning in Australia holds for me

Typical Brunswick day for me

I went to do some laps in the hotel pool this morning but they put the lane rope across the pool instead of along it. Leaving me just about two body lengths to lap and kick turn. After four hundred of these i’d swum only 70 meters and vomited on the side of the pool from dizziness.

We might stop at Mt St Helen’s on the way. I was totally fascinated with this as a kid and used to sit on our thunderbox reading the National Geographic special with photos of it bulging and then exploding all over Washington State.

Rick Santorum Nature Reservation 2017

Check out this fantastic song by Melbourne ex band St Helens

check it

After that adventure it’s just lots of flying over the Pacific Ocean. I have the ‘Song of Ice and Fire’ series with me to pass the time. I’m usually more of a Jean Genet type but the Tyrian Lannister ‘sex midget with a powerful mind’ character is a big draw and strikes me as having a kind of Melburnian countenance.

how i see myself at the ARIA awards

The trick to conquering jet lag is complicated but here are my latest theories

*Don’t drink booze on the plane. Booze is for the start of long trips anyway. Return trips are more sombre affairs usually as you come home to pick up the pieces of your pointless life

how i used to see plane trips

*Don’t eat Egg products on the plane. They kind of plasticize inside you and your body makes you stay awake for a week in the vain hope of digesting them

bad idea! stop!

* Schedule your flight to arrive in the morning. Go out for some light exercise in the sun . Swimming is good because the Vitamin D gets in through the back of your knees which is the most permeable skin on the human body after nether regions and these are hard to expose and prone to sunburn.

get some rays onto your Rick Sartorius muscles!

* Stay up til 9pm at least and then take some Melatonin and try to make it through til 6am.

* Repeat the next day.

BLOG BREAKING NEWS!

On the way i stopped off at the grave of my astral messiah Jimi Hendrix. It was bleak there and i felt pretty bummed out.  Especially hated on his evil manager Mike Jeffery who’s hopefully on an eternal spit roast

Ok i’m off now see you on the other side

this bozo has me by the balls for the next 16 hours

Seattle Jumpster Partay!

Hi folks

I’ve been on tour in America and the UK for a while with my Uncle who also writes songs. I locked myself out of my own website and was too lazy and confused to fix it. But now i have! I am officially back into it.

Today i’m in Seattle.

Chief Seattle!

I just got pushed on the street by a crack dealer for walking too slowly. I was wearing a hipster douche jumper ( Jumpster?) so he also called me a ‘faggot’. Then i had a terrible coffee. I usually couldn’t care less about coffee it’s not something i whinge about often. But this one tasted like burnt asphalt and bile. Urghh .

So Seattle is ruling right now

Time to get some Heroin and listen to some Grunge i think.

‘grunge”

What an odd word.

here is some German Heroin i found on the net

i wonder what this all means?

and here is the ‘Grunge’

TAD! i am always in the mood for it

But seriously folks i don’t really want any Heroin i’m just stereotyping the city .

I  actually feel like some Ginger Nectar from Byron Bay as it makes me feel healthier and you don’t die as much from it

yup this is what Charlie Parker was really into

I think Jumpster is a cool word i just invented it!

the new Toro Y moi album gave Eduardo such an insane erection he had to pull his Jumpster down over it and leave the club

West Coast Fishing Incident

A few thoughts about the song West Coast Fishing Incident

I was always intrigued by the kind of religious tableaux you would find on the front of Jehovah’s Witness magazines. Man and wild beast would be happily coexisting and frolicking, the bilby lay nestled in the breast of the saltwater croc, with no thought of the realities of the food chain. Even as a child i smelled a rat and wondered if the people writing these magazines were maybe a bit retarded. But they were fascinating nonetheless and always made a trip to the doctors surgery a bit more interesting.

when is this photo shoot over so i can eat this kid?

I also like writing songs about Western Australia. This comes down to a mixture of too many Tim Winton novels and sharing a house with Gaz from the Drones. I feel if you’re gonna make it as a semi literary (literate?) rock poet you need to chance your hand at capturing the wide open red dirt roads and vast beaches of our miner’s paradise over in the west.

That is a picture of Gaz with a tea towel on his head by the way.

So i wrote this song about a guy who goes fishing to escape the drudgery of his middle age in Perth. The cholesterol pills are making him feel old and creaky and he doesn’t get on with his wife much. So he’s out fishing and finds himself in a kind of tableaux with lots of little  native animals, on their furry and scaly last legs after another summer of bushfires and ozone powered face cancer. He empathises and cracks another tinny as he checks the end of the reel. Looking for the nibble of a little ray or jellycatfish or whatever’s left out there.

I think this scene was inspired by Brendan Behan’s novel Borstal Boy when he first sees the sea after being let out of prison on a day trip. Borstal Boy is a fab novel and comes recommended by myself and much smarter folks.

Anyways the guy is out fishing and digging his biblical bogan Behan scene and he is interrupted by a boat full of Somali refugees. They kick back on the beach and pull out their guitars and show him the last African song that Paul Simon hasn’t recorded. He takes this for what it’s worth, not realising he could sell it to Vampire Weekend and make a mint. Like me, he has no head for business. I really put this bit in just so i could bust out a sweet chorused afro guitar jam

this stuff is so sweet

I spent most of my twenties trying to sing like an Afro-American woman. But now i just want to play like an African man. It’s always good to have something to aspire to, i’ve found

anyways…

….. the federal police and the press come and everyone gets arrested and his wife sees him on the news and he is busted for taking an unauthorized fishing trip. He goes home to watch the cricket and die slowly in the brutal summer heat of 2017.

And there endeth the song. You can watch it on youtube accompanied by a picture I made of a Naked Allen Ginsberg riding a boat full of refugees through space

West Coast Fishing Incident 2017

WEST COAST FISHING INCIDENT

YONDER LIES THE WESTERN SKY
HERE I WATCH THE CLOUDS ROLL BY
WITH THE SEA A BAND OF BRIGHT BLUE STEEL
ON MY BACK JUST WORKING THE REEL
I WAS DELIVERED BY A DUSTY DIRT ROAD
SPAT FROM THE PIPES OF THE CITY’S COMMODE
WITH A THREE DAY STUBBLE AND A SUNBURNT NOSE
I’M HUNKERING DOWN IN MY REPOSE

GOODBYE TO THE CHIRPING OF THE LATEST RING TONES!
ENDLESS CONVERSATIONS BOUT THE BEATLES VS THE STONES
I DROPPED A LAST POST ON TWITTER, SAID ‘PEOPLE I’M GONE…
GOODBYE CYBER PEOPLE I’M GONE…I HOPE IT’S  FOREVER’

WHERE YONDER LIES THE WESTERN SKY
IT BRINGS A TEAR TO A HARD MANS EYE
MY HANDS THEY TINGLE AND MY KNEE BONES SHAKE
AN EYE ON THE CLOUDS AND ONE ON THE BREAK

ALL ALONE BUT  SURROUNDED BY THE NATIVE COMPANY
SCORCHED BY THE SUMMER,THEY’RE FALLING FROM THE TREES
WE POSE LIKE AN OLD JEHOVAH’S WITNESS MAGAZINE
WE SAY ‘CHEESE’,
THERE COMES A NEW COMMOTION FROM THE SEAS
I HEAR THE STRUMMING OF SOMALI REFUGEES

(ENTER SOMALI GUITAR TROUPE FOR 8 BARS)

YONDER LIES THE SINKING SUN
THE COAST GUARD’S HERE WITH THEIR GUNS ON STUN
JUST BEFOrE THE BOAT FOLKS ALL HAVE TO GO
THEY TAUGHT ME A SONG PAUL SIMON DON’T KNOW

NOW IT’S BACK TO THE CLUTCHES OF MY EVIL SECOND WIFE
SHE STABS ME IN THE MIND WITH A TONGUE LIKE A KNIFE
INTERSECTION HEAT,  PANIC ON THE STREETS
IT’S JUST A LIFE, IT’S LEFT ME BEHIND
ONE THING LEFT ON MY MIND AND THAT’S
YONDER LIES THE WESTERN SKY
YONDER LIES THE WESTERN SKY…..


Hold On, I’m Coming On video

Hello friends. Here is my new meditation/self help/ rock video. I made it with Joey Rashid who is a lovely chap and quite handy on the old super 8 camera.
I am the ZEN EAGLE WARRIOR on the road to nowhere.

We went for a big walk up a mountain and i fell over  a lot. But i edited most of that out!

Hold On, I’m Coming On

I stole some sayings from Buddhist stuff and some from Rumi and made some up myself

The hardest bit was turning into an eagle . It was cold but eventually i did it!

Phew

The Decommissioner

This blog will attempt to explain some of the thought processes behind track one on the record, The Decommissioner. Which is essentially about blowing up Hazelwood power station with a  hard on.

Hard Ons! Not the ones i mean but this is a family blog

this baby is powering my macbook sadly

So Hazelwood is this monstrously polluting coal fire power station in Gippsland. It is the worst in the southern hemisphere. Really old technology and subsidised like crazy. There is so much money in digging up the black  stuff though for middle aged power guys and politicans and the economy in general that no one’s gonna do a thing about changing the power grid until they are essentially forced to.  And its a peaceful democracy so its like who is gonna do that?

I went to a protest about it. Really lovely people there and a lot of  hippies but when you think that the whole planet is dying and all the plants and animals and oceans with it and we are just gonna end up in some Mad Max stylee squabble for resources and water, it was sobering to think that almost no one was there

Brunswick st, the year 2056

I’ve never been in a fight even. My youth was playing cricket against a wall and listening to the Smiths. No gangs at all for me, although the Beenleigh/ Logan city area sure isn’t a place to go wandering about at night.

Mayor of Logan City

But violent upbringing? no.

But when i thought about how those creepy money makers are prepared to fuck us all in the arse to put their demon spawn through Scotch college (so they can future fuck our future children in the future arses) it sure made my blood boil.

So i started to write this musical.

The plot goes vaguely like this

A yuppie dude has an epiphany about Global Warming while shopping in American Apparel

He buys a khaki layered jumpsuit with matching balaclava and sets off on a Honda 250 to blow up a power station

After he becomes a fugitive he decides to hide in an indie rock band (thanks Dave Graney) and they tour about blowing up power stations with special explosive guitar pedals and laser xylophones. Lets call this indie band DEERWOLF VS SQUIRRELFOX

Everytime they do another station it ends the gig as they have no power. So they are frustrated. A frustrated indie band, who ever thought of that?

young and indie but dedicated eco warriors

DEERWOLF VS SQUIRRELFOX are so successful after a Pitchfork feature that they tour until the whole coal industry is on its knees. Unfortunately The Chinese government needs that coal so they invade and harvest everyone’s organs. So the freshly harvested Oz public really hates this indie band.

They escape to the bush and live in a cave for 50 years, They become incredible xylophone players and adept at swapping instruments. Their floppy hair dreads up and they have to eat insects.

Even the sound engineer had to chow down on the water bugs for brunch satisfaction

Then in 2056 the descended Chinese emo children discover DEERWOLF VS SQUIRRELFOX through some obscure website and they become totally hip.

They come out of the cave and do a national tour put on by Michael Chugg’s Cryogenically Sustained Brain Touring Co

Anyways like i said i’m just the author and not the dude. I think its good to think about what radicalizes people though. Is the law more important than the future of everything? I certainly don’t like the idea of hurting anyone though.

What would Ghandi do?

old ways of powering the lap top

Or John Lennon? In ‘Revolution’ he couldn’t decide whether to say ‘when you talk about destruction, don’t you know that you can count me out’ or …’ count me in’.

So he says ‘out…in!’

hmmm

getting back on the sauce is one way to deal with ol' Apocalypse dread

THE DECOMMISSIONER

AMERICAN APPAREL  HAD A SPECIAL ON KHAKI
WITH A MATCHING BALACLAVA STITCHED IN NORTHERN ITALY
WELL IT JUST GOT ME THINKING AND I FLASHED MY CREDIT CARD
I MUST ADMIT I MIGHT HAVE BEEN A TRIFLE HARD…

I READ THE WEATHER MAKERS, READ SOME GHANDI TOO
AND I THOUGHT ABOUT THE SPACE THAT DOES EXIST ‘TWEEN ME AND YOU
THEN I STOLE SOME HIGH EXPLOSIVE FROM THE COFFIN CHEATERS CLUB
AND I VANISHED LIKE A NINJA TO THE SCRUB…

I AM THE DE-COMMISSIONER
GUILTY OF THE WORST SEDITION
HELICOPTERS ON MY TRAIL
I’M DANCING LIKE A HARE KRISHNA!

LIKE STEVE MCQUEEN ON MY 250
O-ER THE COMPOUND FENCE!
WELL THE BLOOD HAD LIFTED TO MY HEAD
MY LEGS WERE IN SUSPENSE
THEN I RAMMED A STICK OF JELLY
‘NEATH THE COOLING TOWERS WALL
CRASHED THE BOOM GATE AS THE BRICKS BEGAN TO FALL…

I AM THE DE-COMMISSIONER
TAKING THE EXTREME POSITION
TAUNTING THE POLICE COMMISSIONER!
I AM THE DE-COMMISSIONER
GUILTY OF THE WORST SEDITION
SERVICE STATION CAMERAS CATCH ME
DANCIN’
LIKE A HARE KRISHNA!

(WACKY INSTRUMENTAL HIGH SPEED CHASE THROUGH GIPPSLAND COMMENCES)
ROAD BLOCKS ON ALL THE HIGHWAYS
I SLUNK ALONG THE CREEKS
SOON JOINED BY ANGRY SCIENTISTS
AMD SOME OLD JESUS FREAKS
COLLECTING STRANGE DISCIPLES
WE HATCHED A BRAND NEW PLAN
WE STARTED PRE PRODUCTION
ON A TOURING INDIE BAND!

WE WENT…
UP THE FREEWAY IN OUR BLACK TARAGO
RUN ON SOLAR POWER
DE -COMMISSIONING POWER STATIONS
THE  COPS CLOSE BY THE HOUR
REVIEWERS IN THEIR LEATHER TRENCH COATS
SETTIN UP MY BUZZ
SAY I’LL BE FAMOUS IF I JUST AVOID THE FUZZ!

OH MR POLICE COMMISIONER
LOOK AT IT FROM MY POSITION
A – POCALYPSE IS COMIN’
AND I’M REALLY A CONCERNED PARISHIONER
ACTING ON MY OWN VOLITION
TAKING THE EXTREME POSITION
I’M TIRED OF ALL THIS INDECISION!
BOOM

Catch Ups, Fruition and Sewerage Pipes

Wow the record is actually finished and out this Friday

It seemed to take a long time

I think the next one will be simple Haikus with Jews Harp accompaniment

My new look

I fell off the blog the last couple of months coz i’ve been touring the Bindi single. It’s a blessing and a curse having a song so linked in with celebrity culture. On one hand you can get bogans to sing it in far flung places who wouldn’t usually even look at me without beating me up. And i got John Brumby too sing it too! On the other hand the dudes at MESS AND NOISE have probably lost all respect for me.

Sigh….

I have also been tied up learning photoshop as i couldnt really find anyone desperate or talented enough to do my record cover. So it was down to me an my trusty photographer mate Daniel Campbell.

After a few false starts i decided to borrow my friend Matt Kulesza’s (of Rat Vs Possum) Kaftan

Bratwurst Possum

and sit in a sewerage pipe in Werribee. It was a beautiful day and Werribee South turned out to be much more lovely and less polluted than i’d hoped.

where is this apocalypse then? dammit...

Eventually i found an outlet pipe and proceeded to strike my best camp african guitar poses for the camera. The result is uniquely me, i think.

I only had half that pipe and had to reverse myself and build the whole other side with bits of rock and leaves. Thats why i’m left handed all of a sudden. Then on the inside cover i surrounded myself with a halo of boat people and typhoons while suspended in the air above Mt Buller. That was fun. Now i know photoshop who wants an album cover done?

I specialize in iconic and silly styles.

So yeah it’s all done. I am working on the vinyl master and cover now so that should be out soon too!

Over the next few weeks i’m gonna blog explain all the album tracks. I will start wednesday with ‘The Decommissioner’, which is about blowing up Hazlewood power station with a hard on.

see you all then

x